15 Years Ago, Today, What Do You Remember? I Remember ....

I didn't realize what the date is today until I saw whose birthday it is on Facebook, one dear hometown friend of mine. This date brings me back to 15 years ago and I choose to relive it once in a while as a great reminder because that one event has changed my life.

7 May 1998, it was a Thursday. I remember vividly sitting inside the classroom, trying to finish my final paper for the national exam - Chemistry, hate it with my entire life. Our exam was supposed to end at 9.30AM but at 9AM the principal of the school came into my class and asked us to finish our paper instantly. We had to leave the school compound asap.

It was the year of Asian Financial Crisis, however in Indonesia, a racial tension was also brewing. My principal told us that there was a bunch of rioters attacking the suburbs and the next destination would be to the houses on the main road. My house is on the main road.

We packed up. We called our school bus. I was home around 10AM. Then there was the calm before the storm. The road was pretty empty. Everybody seemed to be just ... waiting. Around 10.45AM, I started to hear noises from few houses down the road. Yeah, they arrived. Shouting in ecstasy. I couldn't figure out what they were saying. They seemed pretty happy. They had stones and kept throwing to the row of houses. Few minutes later, it was my house.

Windows were totally shattered. I was in deep fear. But what was worse than the fear itself, hatred was brewing steadily in me. The hatred lasted for more than 2 years. Frantically, I called my best friend and shouted all kind of vows of vengeance towards people who did this. My parents tried to calm me down successfully by giving me a pill. Even my dog, Kiky, was more daring than me. She kept barking her best to protect the house. I was just swearing in tears.

We slept in a windowless house for almost a week, covered only by pieces of plywood. I slept with a stick and a can of insecticide next to me. Because if I couldn''t fight them, I could spray something into their eyes and that, I thought, would be good enough (?). While waiting for my exam results and whether any universities in Singapore would accept me, I kept myself busy by watching lots of Hercules. I watched it 7x. It put me in a very happy place, for those short few moments. It is still my favourite movie of a lifetime!

Anyway, 15 years have passed. Wow. 15 years! Almost half of my life, just zoomed right through me. But that one single event has really changed me .... I often shared with people who would listen to me ... how I got past the hatred .... I asked myself one question (after reading many many many books after) - "If I were to be in their shoes, what would I do?" I imagined myself being not so well-off. I have many kids to feed and there is this opportunity to get paid and all I need to do is just to throw stones at the houses of Chinese people. I would have said yes too.

Then, I understood where they came from and my hatred towards them didn't mean anything anymore. I was set free there and then because I learned to see that there are always many sides of a story and depends on which side you are standing, you will see the story unfolds differently. I have since then consciously trying to understand as many sides as I can to any scenarios but of course, life is so expansive, at times I still don't see certain things differently, I am still making mistakes and apologizing and learning from it. But always, without regrets. That will be waste of life.

15 years ago, today, I thank you for letting me be part of you. I wouldn't have changed a single thing because you made me the imperfectly perfect me today. I also need to thank the subject I hate the most, Chemistry, without which I wouldn't have been accepted to the university. Everything happens for a reason and the reason, most of the time, only we eventually will understand.

My house is the one in the centre with my dad's beloved Vespa in front. Photo was taken the next day after the riot.

When DD Said "Adventure", Life Gave Her One Immediately

Just 1 day after my May Day post, declaring to the world that "my life is indeed an adventure", The Universe heard me so fast and gave me the first "adventure". So, here we go ....

After happily sharing my lunch to my FB friends, I proceeded to the bus stop and waited under the super hot sun for my bus. I told my friend,"If I stand under this heat for few minutes every day, I'm sure I can burn some calories without exercising." The bus heard me, refusing to let me burn off those calories around my belly, it arrived shortly after. I hopped on happily and continued whatsapp-ing / facebook-ing my friends.

One hour later, I grabbed my bag, went in to the building where I supposed to start my social media project work. Then, I realized ... I forgot something. My weight seemed too light. Oh yeah ... I left my laptop in the bus. Better still, the laptop doesn't belong to me. Oh yeah, baby!

There was a little bit of panicky moment ... but I immediately called the bus hotline for more than 5x, nobody picked up. Oh well ... I googled through my dying Blackberry apparently the terminal is not that far away. So, I took another bus and prayed really hard hoping the laptop was being kept by the driver at the terminal. At least 20 minutes had passed since I went off the bus. Arriving at the terminal, I approached any bus drivers who then led me to their small little office and found out the bus has left the terminal. No laptop was spotted. Many kind people there, really, from the lady drivers, to the uncles, they all tried their best to help me. One has called the office at the final interchange and asked me to talk to the guy. The guy on the phone said he would call me back.

One uncle gave me a few more numbers and I just called all of them and repeated the same message. Well, no harm, right? No idea whom I called. I still had 50-50 chance by then. The driver could have kept it and brought it to the interchange or some passengers with sharp eyes might see it and grabbed it away. I told The Universe, whatever it is, I am learning my lesson and will think about it later.

Meanwhile, I was thinking for plan B, asking all my friends for contacts if they knew where I could get such model at a discount. One friend offered an alternative solution to the issue and offered her old laptop with friendship price. Another one was willing to give me her spare laptop for free. I was deeply touched by the people who were there and offered their ears/heads/hearts/laptop to me. What could I really do anyway? Carelessness happened. I had tried all ways to get it retrieved. At that moment, I could only smile, breathe deeply and wait for phone calls. I did just that.

On the way back to the building, I received a phone call from the first guy I spoke to. *Poof* ... He said he had tried his best. He called 4 drivers and none saw any laptop. "Oh well..", I said, "It's okay then. I will lodge a police report, I guess." Back to the building I went and just totally let go of the entire situation. I drank more water. Very thirsty lah ... weather so hot!

Then I wondered,"What do I need to learn here? How did I attract and create this situation?" For sure I was not being "present" at that moment! I was in the "now" then but I was not in the "here" of the situation. My body was in the bus but my mind was elsewhere. I let go and quickly switched to Plan B/C mode. I realized I was not too panicky as I normally would ... guess that's a good thing. I remembered to breathe and smile and "oh well, what now?" to myself. I continued on with my life ...

As I am a big fan of romantic comedies and cartoons, my adventure too had a happy ending. Half an hour later, I received another phone call from Mr. Wee (must be the 2nd or 3rd gentleman I talked to from whichever number that was given to me earlier). He said,"Oh you are so lucky. The bus just reached the interchange and your laptop is with us." Of course, I went there afterwards. Of course, I thanked him/them/anyone with all my heart. Of course, I took my laptop and left and came back again to pass them the abundant of bread I bought to show my deep appreciation to them.

Am I really "lucky"? Hell yeah! I am well supported and protected in all ways. Then I declared to some of my friends that I love this country and the people in it DEEP DEEP DEEP! Because if the same thing has happened elsewhere ... you will see me singing Auld Lang Syne with a bottle of something.

Well, what I learn for sure is to be really careful with what you ask for! I think I need to tweak the part when I say my life is an adventure! Must specify what kinda adventure I'm having. Universe ah, don't like that play one can? But thank you nevertheless to give me an amazing happy ending in the end. All is well indeed.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one’s own way.”
—Dr. Viktor Frankl

A Letter to May Day of 2013

Hello 1st of May 2013.

I welcome you with open heart and over flowing joy because I sincerely have been looking forward to meet you after much anticipation since 4 months ago. Many have worried for me - from family members to friends - but not me. Why? Because this marks the day that I am officially without a constant income, without a title, without a job and ultimately without a perceived safety net. I am totally fine and at peace with it. I actually feel excited of the path ahead of me. :) Lunatic? Yeah, I have been self-declaring that for months. Nobody really believes me anyway. They thought I am joking when I speak the truth. Not the first time anyway, right?

So, what's in store for me this month? I am not really sure. I am quite busy though ... I will tell you why .. later, if I do remember.

For sure, looking back at the rear view mirrors, I realized I am a chatterbox ... daily without fail, I simply love to share my happenings to a few of my friends. I believe some of them must be bored to death. Since I have a blog with my name, I decide, it's my story, my blog, I am going to tell it here instead. Save my breath and those who are really interested can continue reading it. Those who are not, will be free from my constant messaging.

After more than 1 year of living so freely and truly to myself, I realize, my life is indeed an adventure. Full of stories. I simply couldn't contain what I have in me anymore. I have to let it out. Though today is a public holiday where most people are resting and simply not doing anything ... I know one friend has to go back to the office due to the nature of her job ... so I shall join her and make this my first post for May Day of 2013!

How did I end the month of April, BTW?
With an impromptu dinner.
3 of my friends were there for dinner and 2 of them joined in afterwards.
I was challenged to do a dare which ended up with me meeting 5 other lovely friends of mine. My heart really couldn't contain my happiness when I met all of them. I was lunatically ecstatic!
I had a great night. I hope my friends did too. I love all of them dearly because through them I see the beauty of this amazing world. Oh yeah ... I also would like to thank 2 other special friends ... 1 of them was trying to accommodate her schedule for me but simply couldn't and the other one bothered to listen to my rant though I bet she was really sleepy at 1.30AM.

I have great friends. I have great encounters and I indeed have an awesome life that I wouldn't trade for anything in this world.

Thank you all for this amazing ending and beginning of what's to come. For my readers, you will sure to hear from me more often now. :) Thanks for reading so far! :D

PS. Since I remember what I said earlier ... I have been busy with many complimentary wine tastings last months. Looking forward to more. Need more divine juice to keep on writing, you know? :D

 A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.

- Thomas Carlyle

Dear Knees of Mine, I Love You Crazily!

I have never loved the left side of my lower back so much until today. I woke up with pain but I ignored it and went to sleep again thought it would go away. Alas, apparently I have sprained my left lower back without knowing how it did happen. Maybe I practiced some impossible Kungfu moves during my sleep.

The entire day I moved in pain, I still am. My BFF couldn't stop laughing because I do look like some senior citizen grasping for breath. I too had fun laughing at myself because it was pretty amusing. However when my attention deficit disorder behaviour went away and I was left with only pure awareness of my body, I felt very appreciative towards my knees that enable me to still perform certain movements that normally require bending. I appreciate my flexibility like I've never done before. Then I laughed because maybe this indeed is a preview to old age if my joints decide to be super stiff, where movements are simply limited (if I'm granted to live that long, of course). It's not easy. Almost anything that relates to bending, I need an extra support from my hand. I can't just do it freely anymore.

I always find it amazing that such simple actions - bending and twisting - where people do it without blinking, require many parts of the body to make it happen. This amazing machine called "body of ours", when one of its parts is down, it hinders us in doing so many things. Oh, even squatting was a tough chore.

Today I declare my utmost love to every single parts of my body, and you should too. Without them, I can't do many things and guess that's what this humbling pain is trying to teach me. I am especially in love with my knees this weekend. I may take a few more movements to accomplish what I can do in one swift, but I could still do it.

Our body is indeed an amazing creation. As long as mine is still operated by the breaths I take, I promise to make it one of the greatest love of my life because without it, I'm just a lover in spirit. That really won't be that fun for someone who jumps around like a monkey like me!

To awesome health!

PS. I bet if my parents read this, I will receive a call with some lovely nagging in place ... I'm waiting ... :p

Finding Comfort in the Unknown

If there's a theme for the first quarter of my 2013, it gotta be a few of the following words ...
- The Unknown
- The Untitled
- The Unlabeled
- The Uncertain
- The Unexplainable

This is not the first time I faced so many situations that were totally incomprehensible; all happened at the same time. But, this is the first time I find myself feeling really at ease with most of them. Some take a little more time but eventually, feeling at peace is the final destination. Name me one aspect of life and I will confidently tell you,"Je ne sais pas!" because I really have no clue about what is happening and what is going to unfold next. Truthfully, I'm crazily okay with it now.

Ironically, life is never certain, isn't it? But most of us live our life, as if we have the premonitions of what will happen the very next hour, most of the time. We do flow in life with this sense of security and certainty, somehow. That our jobs are still there. That our friends are still with us. That people who know us, will understand us. That our health will not really give way because oh we are so healthy now. That we will go travel here and there by this time of the year. That we will go out and have fun. That the food we love will somehow be there forever for us.

Humility is one of the biggest teacher in life and finally I come to grasp the latest lesson I just learned that there are some things, no matter how brilliant our logical mind tries to understand, we will not be able to get any explanations regarding some people or circumstances, even in this lifetime. They will remain as ... mysteries. Especially if the circumstances involve another human being, the level of manipulation might be higher. People say, well you can just ask the person directly if you want to know the truth. But what is the truth? Words are free. One can create a set of truth to answer your queries but how will you know if that's the REAL truth?

Nothing is more liberating and comforting than finally realizing that the only truth in your life, is the one you allow to stay in your mind. Since you are capable of deluding yourselves with so many miserable things, why not choose something that actually make you feel at peace. For this specific situation that I am going through, I choose to believe that though I have done my very best with good intention, others are free to interpret, perceive and twist whatever I intent. I have my freedom and they too have theirs. I choose to bless the experience, then let go and let The Universe do what it knows best.

Someone taught me "路遥知马力，日久见人心" which literally means over a long distance, one will learn the strength of the horse, over a long period of time, you will know what's in a person's heart. Funnily, this very same person now actually delivered this lesson through live demonstration! Great life teacher indeed!

True character of a person can be revealed by time, but I would like to add, not only by time but by difficult time. Because everybody can be awesome friends during good time. Only in the very testing hour of life, someone's true nature will surface up. I'm so grateful that it only took me less than 2 years to realize the "truth" of certain situation.That's not very long, really.

To end with a beautiful Indonesian phrase that I really love, "Mati satu tumbuh seribu", which means when one dies, thousand more will grow. My story indeed has a very happy ending. :) Because what was lost, the Universe decided to replace it with greater possibilities.

What is the Unknown? Ah ... but a beautiful blank canvas where I am free to paint as I wish. But the dots to be filled with whatever you can imagine them to be. I welcome and embrace the Unknown with all my heart because life is so much more fun when you think you are some kind of superhero, just like in the movie, conquering adventures as they come with the unexpected twists  and turns; but you know in the end all is going to be really swell.

Image courtesy of the Facebook page of Moving the Sun to Shine in Dark Places

Who Do You Choose to Have in Your Garden of Life?

Besides his full time occupation of being a doctor, in his heart, my dad is a loving farmer. With the limited space we have on top of our shop house, he has managed to plant more than 23 varieties of vegetables or fruits 2 years ago (the number should be increasing by now? I'm not sure). Plants that eventually will feed our family, relatives, neighbours and friends. He's super happy when people get to taste the fruits of his labour. The feedback he receives will fuel him to do better, try new things and share more.

Due to the very limited space that we have, he is very careful of what he grows. I remember when he had to get rid of plants that didn't give positive feedback. No fruits, no flowers ... nothing. After waiting for few months, he will then decide to get rid of them and let the space be flourished with new seeds.

Through that observation, I've learned a very important metaphor to life. We too are the gardeners of our lives. The relationships we have with others are like the diversity of plants we have cultivated along the way. We planted the seeds just like how we sealed our friendships through the initial handshakes. We watered and tended to the plants on regular basis, just like how we consciously ensure we don't lose touch. Some need more time, some need more attention, some need more activities together, different strokes for different folks. Based on the feedback we receive, whether the relationships bear fruits or not, we then decide whether the limited space of our garden is being invested wisely.

Sometimes, despite the perceived giving on our end, we may not receive any types of positive affirmations from the relationship. Just like the plants which are not dying but they are also not going anywhere. Maybe they need more time. Maybe they just grow better with different soils and farmers. Sometimes, we will never know. But what we know, as the farmers of our own garden, being given the same amount of time by The Universe, we must do our best to ensure our gardens don't go to waste. When our best is still not enough, then it's time to let the plant go. Eventually, each plant will find a place where it really belongs. All is well.
 

Your energy will only rise in direct relationship to the number of things you are able to get rid of - not to the things you acquire. By getting rid of things, attitudes, encumbrances, and blocks of one kind or another, things fly.
- Stuart Wilde

Fortunately, this money plant has been with me since 2007.
We are still meant for each other and it gave me positive feedback. Huat ah!

PS. Happy spring cleaning too, Everyone!

A Thank You Note to My Papi

One of my greatest influence in my life without me knowing, is my dad. I am dedicating this post to my Papi (Yesh, that's how I call him since I was a little girl, I don't really know why though).

My dad is an awesome guy. (Mom, do you know how lucky you are?) I look up to him especially when I was very young. I wanted just to be like him. I wanted to whistle like him, even though I couldn't, I then pretended to whistle and the sound was coming from my throat instead of the smooth whistling manner. (Couldn't believe the school actually asked me to perform the fake whistle in front the entire school!!!). I wanted to look like him, so I stole his hair gel and combed my hair exactly like him. I admired him to the bits and I couldn't understand why then. I think I know now.

He is a very lovable creature, my dad. An enlightened soul who is like a beacon of light wherever he goes. He talks to anybody, from all walks of life - a trait that I'm glad to inherit into my DNA even until now. He always shows kindness and compassion towards everyone. When he can help, he will do his best. He's also very playful and never stops seeing the lighter side of things. My close friends who have met him, love him too even though he can't stop making fun of them somehow, they let him because they too feel safe to make fun of him. None of my friends that I know up to this day would leave his presence without a laughter or simply a smile. That's how he left a footprint in people's heart. Aren't I lucky to have a dad like him?

However, when discipline was needed, I was not spared. The rattan was my very best friend when I grew up. I was never spoiled. Jokes and playfulness aside, he managed to instill a sense of authority towards me which I learned to appreciate as I grew up. Because, without those loving "smacks", I couldn't imagine what kind of being I would be.

The biggest living inheritance I have ever received from my dad was definitely the art of being loving and the habit of acknowledging every living beings. Riding on the Vespa with him all around our small little town, we always acknowledged people we knew as long as we saw them. That's why when my parents were away and I was on my friend's motorcycle, the next day I was scolded by my parents because the news traveled so fast and thanks to the uncountable journeys on the dark blue Vespa, my face was pretty recognizable by then! -_-" And I had disobeyed the rule to not be on anybody's motorcycle EVER! (I think this rule still applies even until now.)

My Papi has been the beacon of love and I really couldn't ask for a better father figure to make me who I am today. Papi, I know you will be reading this because you seem to be pretty active on Google Plus through your "much-cooler-than-mine" iPad 2. I would like you to know that I love you very much and I can't be more thankful enough for your presence all these while and most importantly, by simply being who you are, you have taught me how to love life and everything/everyone in it.

"Love is a matter of inner nature, not of relationship. Love has nothing to do with relationship, love is a state of being. It is an inner component of one's individuality." - Osho

My kinda Man with my beloved Sister, Kiky who was super overweight thanks to 
the generosity of my Dad! Yes, that's not a piglet. It's a miniature pinscher.

The Happiness Journey by Ajahn Brahm

I attended a free talk by Ajahn Brahm, a Buddhist monk from London but who's now based in Australia. He has 3 free talks as organized by Buddhist Fellowship Centre. The Happiness Journey was the first one, which I didn't intend to go because I thought I am a pretty happy person. But things changed, just one night before the talk, I took a look at the date and exclaimed,"Hey, I can make it!". So, I went. At the very last minute, my Personal Trainer who is a very open minded Christian, told me that he too would like to come. I welcome him of course. He enjoyed it and even donated to the temple. I was shocked.

If I forget everything about the almost 2-hour talk, I will not forget the story Ajahn Brahm shared in the very beginning. He said he has shared this numerous time and will not stop doing it (because the same people keep coming to the talk ... haha, he has great sense of humour). After he told the story, I totally agree. One of the simplest and yet most profound metaphor that I really hope everyone can benefit from it.

The Chicken Farmers
There are 2 chicken farmers. One is dumb. One is smart. Every night the chickens have the same rituals, they lay eggs and poop in the chicken shed.The next morning, the farmers will also have the same routines, they will wake up and go to the shed. However, what they collect are totally different and that sets them apart.

The dumb farmer will collect the poop and leave the eggs in the shed. He then brings the poop into his home to his family. Not only it stinks up the entire house, it makes the family very uncomfortable.

The smart farmer will collect only the eggs and leave the poop behind in the shed. He will use the poop as fertilizer much later. He then brings the eggs to his family and some to the market to sell. The family is well fed and he earns some money from the sales. 

The metaphor was shared when the interviewer asked how can one be happy. Here are the explanations to the story:
The dumb farmer represents people who are not happy.
The smart farmer represents people who are happy.
The poop represents unhappy thoughts, unpleasant moments of the past.
The egg represents happy thoughts, the pleasant moments of the past.
The home and the family represents your own mind, your home, your family, your friends, people whom you share your stories with.

The reason why people are unhappy, is because, even after the unhappy events have passed, they still carry them in their mind. They then share the stories to their friends/family and "stink up" the entire ambience.They pollute their own mood and those around them.

The reason why people are happy, is because, they only remember and share the happy moments. This doesn't mean they forget the bad, they use those bad moments as "fertilizers". They learn from it and grow from it but they choose not to bring it to their minds or to impose those to their home, family, friends, etc.

This powerful metaphor, if applied in real life, you will be a much happier person. How do I know it? I have walked the path without me realizing. I am a happier person in 2012 than in 2011, I realize it's all because I have been collecting "eggs" and not "poop. If you are familiar with my "nonsense" on Facebook, I have been collecting my eggs in the form of:

• Moment of the Day (MOTD)
• Awesomeness of the Day (AOTD)

No matter how ridiculous it can be for others, those moments and awesomeness make me extremely happy. As I tend to have a memory of a bird, I write and share it through Facebook. For more personal moments, I wrote them in my journal which I then able to write them out in a letter and the moments I collected for 4 months, were worth 10 pages in point forms. I surprised myself.

It is not difficult to be happy, if happiness is really what you are looking for, if not, don't bother. The key is really to be so aware and mindful of your own mind. Once you are aware and mindful, the next step is be very deliberate on the thoughts you allow to park themselves there.

So, what are you collecting now? Poop or eggs? I know for sure what I want and no turning back.

If you are interested in the 2 other talks by him, the information is below. All is welcome. Literally, all.
No registration needed. 

"Never allow anyone to control your happiness." - Ajahn Brahm